Two weeks from today!

My surgery is just two weeks from today. Next Thursday I have an endoscopy and chest x-ray, and I will have done everything that needs doing preop. I had my ultrasound of my liver yesterday, and they found a gallstone. Ick. It won't impact this surgery, but it does mean I will have to have another surgery afterward to remove it. Not very happy about it, but at least we are moving forward with surgery.

In the last 5 weeks I have lost 15 pounds. I was so proud of myself. But when I saw the doc he looked at my liver and said it was very fatty but that he would "probably" be able to do the surgery laproscopically. That was a bummer - didnt feel so great about my weight loss after that!

We watched the Biggest Loser last night and the largest female contestant weighed 26lbs less than my starting weight. It was just crusing to see that I was BIGGER than the biggest contestants they dared to cast. Ugh!

Two weeks....just two weeks

I'm tired....again

I feel like instead of a weight loss blog this has become a blog about me complaining about my lack of sleep!!!! The good(?) news is that I am not losing sleep due to stress - I am losing sleep due to hunger. I lay awake in bed all night with my stomach driving me crazy. Two and a half weeks of this though, and I get my surgery.

I had been down 10lbs, then my birthday and my period both came and I shot back up three. I am pleased to report that I am back on the way down - a total of 11lbs lost. As I struggle through this, its no wonder that people take weight off and put it right back on. This is a miserable feeling. Who wants to be hungry literally ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT? Its uncomfortable, its frustrating, its distracting. Blech.

This week I have two preop appointments. Tomorrow I have to go get an echocardiogram which is essentially an ultrasound of my heart and on Friday I will meet with my actual surgeon and sign the paperwork. On Friday the really hard diet starts - I will need to cut out like another 400-500 calories a day to comply to the preop diet rules. Ack!! I just have to keep telling myself that these struggles are worth it. Not only will my body be healthier for surgery, this weight is unlikely to come back once I have surgery. Onward to a better day!

Happy Birthday to me!

I turn 34 today. I had originally hoped this would also be my band day, but knowing that day is only three and a half weeks away is a darn good present! My fantastic hubby bought what is probably the first typical/romantic gift he has gotten me for my Bday. (In the past, Ive gotten things like ionic breeze air purifiers, Photoshop, and a graphics tablet). I am proudly sporting my very first piece (and likely to be my only) of Tiffany jewelry. I have never been a flashy girl - in fact between the time I stopped wearing my high school right and when I got engaged, I jewelry was something I wore only when I dressed up. Its a silver starfish necklace that I have been wanting since before our wedding which was a year and a half ago - I'm pretty darn pleased!

Tonight we will go to our favorite "fancy" restaurant. The food is fantastic. And PLENTIFUL. Because of that, given its not really the kind of place you order one meal and share, we may well never go there again. So, I will have exactly what I want for a change and just say goodbye to the place.

I was doing fantastic trying to take weight off pre surgery. In three weeks, I got myself down 10 pounds. And yesterday I just broke down and was sick of being hungry and I ate pancakes!!!! So then I had chicken parm for dinner. But I am being good so far today, will be bad for dinner, and then the plan is to get right back on the horse. I am truly sick of feeling hungry all the time, but I want my body to be as healthy as possible for this surgery. The fact that I am really unlikely to regain whatever I lose preop because of the surgery and its post op diet is a REALLY big motivator for me. So many times I have pushed myself to get weight off only to have it come back. Of Course I don't have the motivation to push myself to diet anymore! But, the carrot of keeping off whatever I take off preop is definitely a tempting one!

Approved!

I just got the call - Oxford approved me, and my surgery is scheduled for October 3. For those curious about how long it took to get an approval, I do not know exactly when I was submitted, but I know that I called at 1ish two days ago and Oxford had not gotten any request. I got the call today about 2pm. So....less than two days from the time I was submitted to approval. WooHoo!!!!!!

Laser Hair Removal

Still no news on the authorization tip, which is frustrating to say the least! I did go do something positive for me this week though - I had my second appointment for laser hair removal.

What I did not expect is that they turn the power up, and it hurt more than the first time. Ouch! Still, it was pretty much "tolerable" which is how they put it, and I only had to have them pause once to let me deal with the pain. Now the waiting part - it takes 1-2 weeks for the dead hair to start shedding.

The crummy part of laser hair removal is you can not tweeze anymore. Shaving only. Im so sick of shaving my chin - this is NOT normal!

In hindsight, if I knew I would be working on having this surgery and possibly needing plastic surgery to put my body back in order, I probably would not have done it. But since the money is spent, I am hopeful. I believed I saw results after the first treatment, so fingers crossed things will only get better!

Frustration

I had my last required appointment last monday (8 days ago), and my dr's office says they don't know if I was submitted to insurance. And they will probably submit me this week, maybe. Grrr.....don't they know I am losing sleep over this? I feel lousy and just want to know so I can move on to the next step.

In the meantime, I am trying to diet. I technically lost 9lbs on the torture diet, but within 48 hours 7 of those were back. I pretty much expected that as the torture diet wasnt the healthiest weight loss ever. But at this point I am down a total of 6. 6 pounds in two weeks....Ill definitely take that. I am hoping to have my surgery 10/3 (if they ever get around to submitting me!), so I am hopeful I can get 10 or 12 pounds off before preop diet even. If I can get myself down 16lbs that will be 10% of what I have to lose - should make a difference in my liver and help in recovery.

Making Progress

I finished with the five days of torture and passed with flying colors. Day three was the worst - I wasn't getting any sleep because my hunger was keeping me awake. A night on sleeping pills made things MUCH better.

Last night my husband and I went to the 2 hour class my surgeon requires. Most of what was included I already knew (my doctor is great about providing lots and lost of reading material), but it was a good meeting. Now all that is left to do is wait for insurance approval. No way of knowing really how long that process will take, but I hope it happens soon. I will feel so much better when I can set a date and have that to look forward to.

In the meantime, I'm trying to track my food on thedailyplate.com and make smart choices. Of course last night my hubby talked me into Outback's Aussie Cheese Fries last night - calories galore! Today is another day, all I can do is try to be better.

Torture Diet

I am currently following what I less than affectionately call the Torture Diet. My doctor calls it the Protein Sparing Modified Fast diet. For five days (in my case five and a half as I will not have testing until 1pm on the sixth day) My diet is as follows: Three ounces of meat (anything lean of my choice - pork, chicken, fish, lean beef) three times a day. One cup of broth three times a day. And at least 2 liters of non caloric beverage a day.

I am actually not quite as hungry as I expected. I'm hungry, don't get me wrong, but I expected to be miserable with it. Its just mildly unpleasant. However, I have headaches, my eyes are all sore, my sinuses are irritated, I am cranky and emotional. I am actually really thankful that the last two days are going to be on the weekend, so I don't have to be around my coworkers - or anyone other than my husband for that matter!

The good news for those of you who may read this while you are considering surgery - this diet seems to be pretty rare. Just a special little bit of torment for my Doctor's patients. Yay us!

Slow progress

I feel like I am taking baby steps. While rationally I know that things are progressing at a very reasonable pace, I am ready to run, and the requirements of the doctor have me at a slow trudge.

I had my initial meeting with both the nutritionist and psychiatrist last Thursday. Both meetings were ok. The nutritionist was, in my opinion, a waste of time. All we did was talk about what meds I take, she gave me like a one minute overview of the diet (basically she said “You realize you will only be eating a piece of meat about this big, and maybe a tablespoon of vegetables?”). The psychiatrist gave me a couple of tests on my mood and my personality. He was interesting. I picked up on some odd questions (Have you been on the cover of multiple magazines in the last month?) and he took the time to talk to me about the test and what the weird questions were there for. I had hoped to start the five day diet the next day to get this show on the road, but the nutritionist could not meet with me then, so it starts tomorrow (Wednesday) almost a week after my appointment. Next Monday I will go in for testing and if I pass, I THEN get to schedule an appointment with the doctor to have whatever discussion we need BEFORE they will submit me to insurance.

I know that slow and steady is best. I realize that it is good that the doctors office is being thorough. But I have made the decision to completely change my life – I just want to get started!!!!!

Stocking up

I spent yesterday cooking. Two different soup stocks and turkey chili. Its a first time trying all three recipes for me (well, the chili is a favorite, but the turkey is a change). I am trying to be hopeful and make progress in the direction of my surgery. I packed up three 3oz packets of pork that had been used in the stock for the week of torture diet, made six broth popcicles for reheating during liquid phase, and my favorite of all was the boiled to near mush turkey that I pureed and froze for mushie phase. After a dinner of chili tonight, it too will get pureed and frozen for the mushie stage that at this point I only HOPE to reach. I expect to turn the rest of the stock into healthy protein rich soups this week - which of course will largely hit the food processor and become mush unfortunately.

I want this to happen so badly, that I am trying to be enthusiastic for these new foods. But ugh - I can not imagine having to live on this stuff for a couple months. I predict lots of crankiness on my part!

Gosh this seems to be dragging

I’m tired again. I was thrilled when after my first meeting with the doc I was actually able to sleep semi normally for a few days. Then I tried to make an appointment with the dietician and lost my ability to sleep again. I was traveling along happy in the belief that I would be able to get this surgery mid September when I wanted, but now that’s not looking like the case.

My doctor requires a five day Protein Sparing Modified Fast diet. Henceforth, we will refer to this as five days of torture! The dietician won’t tell you before you meet what you are in for, but I found a few other patients of the same Doc on the internet. For five days you get three meals a day, each meal consisting of nothing but 3oz. of meat. You can have a little clear broth, and as much water as you like. Oh my…do you expect me to be able to drive in for the test on the 6th day? Apparently, the whole point of this test is to see if we have the willpower/ability to follow directions. If our ketoses is not what it should be after the five days, they will not submit to insurance.

Ok, so I don’t really relish that. But the worse part is they told me I would need to wait two weeks – the dietician is too busy to see me. The Dr’s office had indicated I would see the dietician within a week…so this feels like a big delay, and is just stressing me out.

September is a crazy month for me. In my immediate family alone there are 6 birthdays (including my own). I have an appointment on the second I can not miss and a very long awaited concert to attend on the 30th. Maybe putting surgery off for a concert sounds silly, but I spent a TON of money on these tickets – I’m going! Because of this I was strongly shooting for the end of the first or the second week of September. At this point, that’s not looking realistic due to this delay, and its frustrating.

I did do something cool yesterday. I watched a lap band surgery online. It was performed in a hospital other than the one I will be going to, but in my state. For some reason knowing it was happening 25 minutes from home made it seem more real. For those interested, it can be viewed at www.orlive.com. I am not someone who is comfortable watching surgery, at all. And watching the incisions was ick for me. BUT, seeing what actually goes on inside a patient’s body was pretty cool. It actually made me feel a bit more comfortable with what is (hopefully) going to happen to my body soon.

My first appointment

I had my first appointment today. The most painful part was driving to the doctor's office in New Haven (so not a fan of that city). Lots of paperwork, of course. An EKG that took about 2 minutes, blood pressure, weight, height. And talk about the procedure.

I am NOT a fan of my insurance company, but it turns out that they are actually really good about paying for lap band. Something to be thankful for. Of course now I have an added sense of urgency - I need to get this done before my company changes insurance providers again!

I am hoping (fingers crossed) to have surgery on September 12. September is an insane month for me (6 birthdays in my immediate family alone), but I do have a week to recover if I do surgery between 9/9 and 9/12. If that does not work out, I have to put surgery off until October. That would be not fun at all!

I was thrilled to find out that my doc doesn't believe in the two week protein shake pre-op diet. They require a very controlled diet during that time, but it will be REAL FOOD. The thought of having to live on protein shakes which I dislike for four whole weeks (two before, two after) was a major drawback for me.

I am scheduled for my psych consultation on 8/14, so nothing can move forward until after that time. Lets hope that comes really quickly, because this not sleeping out of anxiousness is killing me. I have incredible dark circles, and I can't even nap - which for me is unheard of. I can nap ANY time I want usually!

Exhaustion

I am completely exhausted. I can not sleep. I have never been a good sleeper. I'm realizing more and more how my weight impacts my ability to sleep...when you are so fat its harder to get comfortable.

But I think that now that I have this goal in mind, a goal which at this point I have little control over, its making me absolutely crazy. I still have over a week until my first consultation. And consultation is just when we start the process of trying to get my less than cooperative insurance company to approve my surgery - after which we then have to start the getting me ready process.

Some people equate high calorie food pics to fat people porn. These days, lap band blogs are my porn. I am an addict. I read them at work, at home, I think about the most inspirational bloggers when I am trying to sleep. Can't wait to get started on discovering my new life!

A place to start

At least it feels like a new start, for the first time in a LOT of years. At 33 I have been overweight pretty much my whole life. I was a pudgy kid, but by the time I hit middle school I was just plain fat. I have struggled with diets my whole life. I lost about 60 pounds in high school....came right back. About 4 years ago I lost 40 pounds....oops...it came back. I've tried weight watchers, trimspa, e-diets (which worked wonders - except when I stopped!)

A few years ago my mother had gastric bypass surgery and spent what seemed like months sick from it. Not hospital sick - just vomiting a lot, which was NOT something I wanted anything to do with.

I have absolutely horrible acid reflux. In fact, I have to take a certain prescription pill twice a day or my reflux is horrible. However, a few months ago my insurance changed and they will not cover my medicine, even though the doctor agrees that I have to have it. As a consequence, I have had what seems like pneumonia (but is really just the effects of acid being coughed into my lungs) for a few months now. It was time to do something drastic.

And so today, I made my first appointment with a bariatric surgeon to see about having lap band surgery done. Weight loss is really my only hope of getting my health to a manageable place, but I can't deny the fact that the idea of being able to shop in "normal" clothes stores or go places and not worry if the chairs are sturdy enough is absolutely fantastic.

So the countdown starts today - 13 days til my consultation appointment - and hopefully a chance to find a whole new me under all of this fat!